I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
