I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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