There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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