toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
