And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
