Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
