I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
