I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
