low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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