I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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