your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
