is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
