good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm always down for nudity.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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