My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
