Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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