There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize