Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
