Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
