You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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