you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He kissed a someone with a penis
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
