shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
