Old men and throwing up are my life now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
