Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize