I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
