I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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