Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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