Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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