im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
