Ketchup is God's man juice
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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