he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
