Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
