Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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