No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
