apparently the secret to your success is patron
he shaved USA in his pubs
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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