I need help removing her.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need to sanitize my soul.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
