How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
