Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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