hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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