I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
