is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
