I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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