whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
