Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need water and some morals
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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