I think I won the penis lottery.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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