You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
