Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He passed out mid-signature
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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