the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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