the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
