It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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