he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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