so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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