It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
