Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize