Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
