If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
