well I can't set my house on fire every night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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