i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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