Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize