singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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