dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
