This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
