When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
