Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
