Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
