Don't make out with my wife yet
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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