I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just want to make out with him forever
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
